13 October 2012

grief

The phone rings late Saturday night. I’m sitting on the couch, hot wheat-bag at my lower back, watching with grim satisfaction as my team is spiflicated five-nil. It’s my good woman.
 
During the week we have exchanged emails.

Me: Hello to a good woman. I can't call you my good woman now. I sent a cheque to [the couples counsellor] and her receipt came in today's mail. I have just got home from Shepparton. Hurt my back getting out of the car. Can't stand up or walk. Pain! Life's a shit sandwich sometimes. I hope you are well.

My good woman: Hi. I am sorry to hear you are hurting. I hope good afternoon sleep will help. Am I well? I am not sure; last night I was thinking about you and I was very sad, and today sadness just doesn't want to go away. I expected to be stronger, but ... life happens. How do you want me to pay you?

Me: I am feeling very sad too. Thought about you all weekend. I don't know how to deal with this. Part of me just can't accept or believe that our journey is over. Just put money in my account if have the details.

My good woman: I struggle to explain to myself why, and how this is better for me. I don't have your bank details.

Me: Me2.

My good woman: I will go to the bank tomorrow. Do you need anything? Can I help somehow?

Back to the phone call. I ask if I can maybe see her tomorrow. She is free in the morning, I am not. Rock, arm in a sling after having his bicep pinned back onto the bone, needs my help. I tell her about his injury, how we have just compared notes on hating the stress our jobs bring to our lives. Maybe it’s an age thing.

I tell her about my stress. We both know it can’t be helped: I have to work, need the income. She tells me her friend remarked early in our relationship that I am obviously a home person, would make a good house husband. If we ever live together, her friend observes, I can look after the home while my good woman works.

During the week this is exactly what I have been thinking. I say nothing.

I will visit my good woman tomorrow for tea.

Rock on. 

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