utility

I must attend Centrelink interviews an 13 and 26 March. At the 13 March interview I inform the interviewer that I have succeeded in getting a permanent part-time job and will no longer need income support after 26 March when I begin work. She congratulates me in a bored fashion.

Is informing her about finding work is all I need do, I ask. Apparently not. She tells me that I should inform them under Changed Circumstances when I next report online on 26 March.

I point out that I start my job on 26 March so I won’t be attending the interview that day. Perfectly reasonable and understandable, she says, and cancels the interview.

This morning I log in to Centrelink’s online services to complete my last income statement. Today’s appointment is still there, not cancelled at all. I go to Changed Circumstances. I can change my name, tell them I’m now a student, fallen pregnant, been naturalised, or sent to prison. But there is no way to tell them I have a job.

I know you don’t believe this, but it’s true.

The other day I call Origin, my electricity provider. They’ve increased my fortnightly direct debit from $50 to $98. I want to know what’s changed. My electricity use hasn’t. Well, says May, who’s being monitored for quality purposes, Origin averages my use over time and determines an appropriate fortnightly charge.

I tell her that I know and understand this, but it doesn’t explain a 96 per cent increase in my usage. She begs to differ—if I’m paying more then I must be using more—and repeats the party line. I repeat my point that something is amiss. She’s not buying and I listen to the company’s standard explanation a third time. I remain patient during this begging of the question.

I ask if the installation of a smart-meter might be the culprit, but she wouldn’t know. I ask for the name of the company that installed the smart-meter, suggesting that I’ll take the matter up with them. She has no idea who installs the meters but puts me on hold while she finds out.

I end the call by apologising for my frustration in not achieving an answer to my original query: it’s just that it happens every time I call a utility company. Magnanimous of me, I think. Happens to her too, she says.

Of course it does. The corporate world is all glossy brochures about improved service, but it’s all piss and wind. Service died years ago.

  

Rock on.