The appointment is made nine
days ago and I am advised to have my phone fully charged. I’m ready. Two o’clock
passes, then two ten, two twenty, half past, and two forty-five. I stop waiting
and move on to other things.
At 2:57 my mobile buzzes. A
very young woman at the other end invites me to answer some questions. Is this
the ‘program’? I tell her I have been ready to answer questions since 2pm and
she tells me that they call any time “within the hour”, the hour being two till
three. My hoped-for belief in Centrelink’s user-friendliness since I last dealt
with them in 1998 shatters.
I answer the questions about
who I am and what assets I have. The questions aren’t funny but I find myself
laughing. Do I have over $500,000 invested in anything? No. (I laugh.) How much
do I have in my bank account? I have two accounts, one with about $400 and the
other about $100. These are my assets. No, I don’t own any boats, shares or
securities, and so on.
I am never invited to ask the
questions I have, but I butt in and ask them anyway. Would sacrificing some of
my superannuation to have a small transition-to-retirement pension affect the
meagre income support Centrelink provides? Yes; I can earn $60 before I lose
income support incrementally.
I ask about the irregular earnings
of my one-person writing and editing business. I ask about receiving Newstart
allowance for doing voluntary work in lieu of actually seeking paid employment.
The young woman gives me no definitive answers to these questions. All will be
revealed by the employment agency, she assures me.
Two further appointments are
made, one with said employment agency and another with Centrelink. I will need
to provide proof of my identity, my assets or lack of, bank statements, and a résumé.
I put the appointments in my Google diary. Without consciously considering my
situation one thing is obvious: I cannot afford to do voluntary work and not
have some sort of job.
Rock on.
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